First review of First Three Chapters

ocean_cover_pb3-350pxOkay  . . . here is a new cover.

I had my sister take some pictures of me – and I liked this one okay – but not high enough resolution to actually use for printing. So I told her we will just have to go back! Maybe in a couple weeks if weather is nice again.

I’m thinking I will include other pictures inside the book and have just one for the front.

Here is a PDF of the first three chapters. I probably should come up with a more interesting beginning but since this is the first and ragged draft it is the way it is I guess. I don’t want to stop to edit and improve till I get through the whole thing at least once. So take that into consideration – who knows what the final draft will be – but thank you for those brave enough to give it a read as it is!

3 Chapters.docx

Do let me know what you think. Comments do not have to be wonderful – I do want to improve it when and where I can.

Let me know what you think of this cover!

 

36 thoughts on “First review of First Three Chapters”

  1. I love your cover and I agree with you keeping that title. I also love your writing already. I almost completed chapter 1 but had to stop to go for supper but will continue reading all of the 3 chapters. You are a gifted writer and I feel like I am getting to know you so much better. Can’t wait to read more.

    Karen

  2. I love this with the one pic cover. And adding others inside the book of your early years. I will read the previews and comment when it is done completely. I am better at praising in the end rather critically suggesting. But one never knows I might decide to change my mind and say whatever seems right about what I read. Wishing you joy in your writing and that God Guides your pen and the words flow easily. Kathy OFS Siochan Agus Maitheas

    1. Thanks Kathy! Well – I have received some very good feedback and I think its important to have some at the beginning stages before I go too far down a wrong rode!

      At this point I am rethinking my beginning and also my title. – perhaps to something very different! Yikes. Will keep you posted.

  3. I like the one photo cover. Enjoyed reading what you’ve written and am looking forward to reading more!thanks for sharing!

  4. Thanks Patricia! Love the new cover and what a lovely photo of you! with the sea behind! I just encourage you to keep on truckin’ with that writing and revisions and changes can come later. xxxx Blessings

  5. The cover is wonderful. Thoroughly enjoyed reading the 3 chapters and want to read more, terrific job Patricia. Absolutely fabulous job .

  6. I am “HOOKED” and if it hooks me at the beginning then I will read Wow awesome. But hungry for more to read. For sure this will be on my list of books to get. Fantastic Peace Kathy OFS Siochan Agus Maitheas.

  7. Patricia you definitely held my attention with these first 3 chapters. l can’t wait to read more. There seem to be a lot of similarities between you and I. I guess that is why from the very beginning when I started to follow you I felt the connection. God bless you on this newest adventure. I know it will be a success. I just wanted to point out that there were a few small words left out here and there but I know you will catch them before the book is published. Keep on keepen on Patricia.
    Your New Orleans Connection
    Mary Grisaffi 🙂

  8. Dear Patricia,
    I liked you book. I just could not “shut the computer”. It was way past my bedtime and I wanted to finish reading. Keep up the good works!
    Your #1 fan from Canada, Geraldine
    P.S. I’m a great grandmother too….

    1. Well – now that is nice to have a #1 fan anywhere! I’ve only been in Canada once but was never far from the border most of my life. Blessings to you in Canada!

      Your words are so encouraging. Especially since I have to gather up my pieces and try to come at it a little slower and more organized I think!

      That must be so wonderful to be a great grandmother. I am a great aunt but not at all the same thing!

  9. What’s not to like? Well, the story is all to love as is the telling. The two things that bother me, and I’m not sure ‘bother’ is the correct word I want, but anyway… the first two words in chapter one: Growing up. and the first sentence in Chapter two. For some reason they jar me into thinking that this is like some school assignment where you feel the need to explain the process. It is like you are showing us your outline which is great to have and follow for you but we don’t need it as part of your life story. It’s probably just the teacher in me and it’s just my opinion. You can’t please everyone, so as long as you’re pleased that is the best thing to go with always.

    I wish also that you were not so pressed for time, and maybe it’s because I know that you are that makes me think/feel that your telling is rushed, or maybe it’s just that the stories are just spilling out.

    Lastly of course, are a few grammar/sytanx errors or manners of expressing that leave the meaning vague, but as someone said you will probably catch these yourself. These, if you like, I can do an edit and mail it to you if you would like me to do that. But I would need an email address.

    Most importantly none of this subtracts from the beauty of your story and its telling and is only one person’s opinion and even for me, none of the above are a deal breaker, Kudos to you for doing, keep going. I’ll buy one for sure.

    1. Hi Tonie,

      Your comments and critiques are totally what I am looking for! This is of course a first draft and I am writing fast and furious – but I will do editing and your help is immense.

      I would love to send you a Word version of what I have written so far and you could edit on that if it would be easier but I would totally appreciate every little blip and bloop you see!

      The thing is I don’t mind having lots of editors because everyone sees something different. And while I obviously won’t accept every change friends come up with – most of them I just don’t see myself because I am to close to it!

      When I did the 101 Inspirational Story books I had a small team of editors that were invaluable in making the book a success. And even then we still missed things! Everyone sees different things!

      Thanks again for your offer!

  10. This new cover is nice and it is a great picture of you, but I like the red cover with the collage of pictures best. I think it would grab the eyes of shoppers in the Catholic book store where I work. I have read about 1/3 of the pages thus far. (Time and sleep prevented further reading.) Can’t wait to read the “rest of the story”.

  11. Patricia,
    Your beautiful photo on the front of your book is perfect. Good idea to have other photo’s inside.
    Can’t wait to read all of your book and happy you will get it completed soon.

    Love and Prayer’s.
    O’Nell

  12. Undecided on the cover picture. I know it’s just fine. I might like to see Buddy on one side of you and Pudge on the other. Maybe not. I read it all, couldn’t stop. I had a little bit of a problem seeing a smooth transition between subject changes. Just me. Just a first read. I know it is a draft. Very good job of sentence formation and recollection of the facts. I could place myself in it as if happening to me. Very interesting and it will be great. P.S. I tend to me a little critical of my own work.

  13. Hi Pat, I do like this new cover better and thought the first three chapters were good. I do favor reading stories such as biographies. These first few chapters leave me wanting to read on and I was wishing there was more, but I understand. Please continue and may God, the Holy Spirit, guide you.
    You go girl………R

  14. Accidentally posted my comments to your facebook timeline. Really like the new cover. Need a picture where you can see your face better. Not sure about the color choices for the “me1” . Sort of blends in and is not the visible on the pictures. Want to catch someone attention, curiosity from a distance not just up close also in a smaller picture when it is for sale on line. Will start reading later when it is quieter in our home.

  15. I like the cover…. read, re-read and thought about this and not quite sure title is right but am very excited for you to complete the book – I want to buy one of the first ones published!

    Your story brings many memories to mind. I am sending a prayer that you complete this book soon! Then go right into More Rosary stories…

    I very much enjoy reading your story and so appreciate your sharing. God Bless you and your writing. Betty B

  16. Dear Patricia,
    You have done quite a bit of writing! There is definitely potential in sharing your story. Here are some literary thoughts I have (after having taught reading for 35 years).
    * Your story seems so rushed. I know you are trying to complete it within a limited time frame, but this is also giving the reader a feeling that you are just zipping through to get it done. Don’t share this thought with the reader.
    * Some grammatical errors are present, and the words bother/brother are mixed up in the early part of the book.
    * Transitions seem difficult, at times. For example, the reader finds out about the Navy while still back in the early days. It gives a feeling of jumping from one theme to the next.
    * Did the struggles in your early years lead to the difficulties in later years? How about adding questions to the very end of the book? If a book group should select it to read, this could guide discussions. Many books have this now. Just an idea
    * The new cover is OK and much improved from the original choices! It would not make me pick it up in a book store, though. I still don’t understand the title at all but that might be my problem. It would be eye-catching to post a picture of you in the convent alongside a pic of you in present day. I don’t know if you want to go there, though. Depends on where you want to sell the book.
    * Did you ever read books by Jeanette Walls? Her books would be available from the public library. Anyway, she writes memoirs of her childhood in an interesting way. I have found that sometimes reading certain books helps with writing, as well. Maybe the books won’t interest you or help you, and it is just a suggestion.
    * I like when you inject humor into your stories. You have natural ways to interest a reader.
    * Ending chapters with “cliffhangers” also get the reader to keep coming back. You have some good use of this technique here and there.
    * The book could use some key pictures of you – the early days at home that show how challenging it was – the Navy days – the days in the convent – your life now – etc. Not sure how expensive it would be but it would really enhance the book.
    These are just a few thoughts for the “good of the order”. Keep refining and adding to what you have written so far 🙂
    Marian

  17. I love the new book cover. It looks refreshing and inspirational.
    I read the three chapters and found them very interesting. It
    could possibly be fleshed out a bit but you can decide on that
    when you review it. It is quite interesting as it is and I like
    your style of writing.

  18. Hi Patricia,

    I was able to read 27 or the 28 pages. Page 28 was blank. Your book is really good!
    I am looking forward to your chapter on your Monastery days. Your cover is very nice
    but I would like a picture of you in your Holy Habit too. I don’t know if 2 pictures would
    be okay with you. You have certainly had alot of experiences in your life. You have a way
    with words that is a gift from God. Thank you for sharing your life with us. God Bless
    you and Pudge and Buddy!

  19. Stating this earlier tonight to prevent the typos and other errors I made last night.

    Cover – Liked the location of the shot but, your picture needs some help or a new one. You need a picture where your face is not in shadow. After all it is your autobiography and you should be more prominent on the cover.

    I kept re-reading the title and at first trying to grasp the meaning. After fully grasping the meaning of the title I then realized that it would not capture my interest.enough to pick up the book and take a look at it. However it is a clever title.

    Really enjoyed chapter one. Good mix of family stories about siblings and other relatives. also the good and bad times.

    Chapters two and three left me feeling like I was beginning to know you better and still wondering how you got to where you are now. Also wondering what happened to your sister Barb left behind in Germany. Guess that was the cliff hanger. At times, while reading these chapters, especially chapter three, I felt like I was reading a report. Maybe add a few other incidents that happened during your High School and Navy years. Good ones, funny ones or just everyday ones.

  20. I like the cover, but would like to see more pictures inside…..of you and your family. We hear so much about them it would be nice to put a face to a name. I also enjoyed the 3 chapters nad can’t wait to buy the book!

  21. I enjoyed the first three chapters of your book, especially the third. It went much faster than the first two but you had so much background in the first two that was necessary to set up the story. I have a suggestion, but maybe you won’t agree. What about starting out with the ending as the first chapter? Then go to chapter 1,2, and 3. Just a suggestion. I love the “cliffhangers”.

    I’m looking forward to purchasing the book.

    God Bless!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *