What to do? Why nothing at all

I have entered a new phase of my life. Phase 9932. That’s a rough estimate. Could be a thousand more or less. At any rate in this new phase I have become aware that in a good many ways I have been trying to make a name for myself with books and all manners of things that are really nothing more than a vain attempt to be prove to myself that I was something of value.

In this new phase (that comes with age to most of us given the chance to get older) that I really don’t care if I prove myself to anyone or not. I am now just about living and enjoying each day and not struggling to be anything much but myself.

For now I have stopped working on the book about me. Mainly because I was writing it in a place where I was too negative and the thing came out that way. The more I wrote about the negative the more I got mired in it and the truth was and is, is that my life has never been negative. For the most part it has been wonderfully positive.

Perhaps at some point I will finish the book and maybe not. Who knows?

My new mantra of late is the quote from St. John of the Cross. “He must increase and I must decrease.”

And what I have found by living with this thought is that life does not have to be as much struggle as I made it out to be. It can simply be living each day as it comes. No biggee.

No pushing big rocks up steep hills.

Of course that does not mean I am not working on another book. Who would I be without working on a book? Such a part of me still. This book though is not one destined to be a best seller or anything that I have to contort myself into selling at all. It is a book for the Oakville Church to celebrate their 165th anniversary. And most of the work has been done before as the church already did such a book for their 150th. This is more of an expanded and revised version.

And I am really liking my new job working with at the adult home for developmentally disabled adults. Some days its almost like not working at all. Sort of like taking 8 hours out of my day to be around people that are easy to love and be with. That includes the staff as well as the adults we care for.

This job is the perfect job for me. It helps me to see things more simply. The four adults we care for are loved and cherished by God just for being themselves. How freeing is that? That is what we are all about. It’s not about who is smarter or richer or prettier. It’s just about being who we are and being loved by God.

On my time off I am simply reading books, cleaning my house, reading books, playing with a new little pond in my back yard and planting a few flowers. I am enjoying studying Excel, and Word and Publisher for my Oakville job and for myself through courses at Lynda.com. Oh and of course Pudge just reminded me about taking him for walks which is something I should think about doing now.

I am not sure about this site. I am of half a mind to stop it but who knows. For now I will just let it be and write if something comes to mind and if no one reads or not reads it’s no big affair. Life is so much more not about me. Who would have ever thought?